#PRIORITIZEMOMMY
I’m kind of spoiled when it comes to being able to prioritize myself when needed. This is because I have a partner who understands how important “me time” is in the haze of working and taking care of our home and daughter. We are very much a team and when I need him, I lean on him and ask for what I need, whether it be a nap, to leave for an hour-long workout, or to go on a date night with him so we can connect and be adults for a few hours. We even have something called the “debrief” which is sitting on the couch together once our daughter is asleep and talking about any topics that we need to discuss. Sometimes we do this with a glass of wine, and sometimes not. Either way, it’s another way we have made to connect with each other while in the throes of toddler parenthood.
When it comes to managing anxiety, being a good team with your partner or having others to lean on when it comes to childcare is so important – so that you can have the “me time” you need to recharge and ensure that your anxiety is contained. We who have struggled with anxiety know how important it is to get good sleep and rest and not get overwhelmed by our daily activities. The hashtag #prioritizemommy which I will be using in some of my social media posts moving forward is a reminder that we as moms with anxiety (or without!) need to acknowledge our boundaries and know when to ask for what we need (time, space, connection with our partners or friends).
I know so many moms, whether they be stay-at-home, or working moms who take care of their kids part-time (still a hearty endeavor, especially in the toddler years!), who feel guilty about asking for time away or time to do something to recharge. Did you know that studies show that with each additional child in the home, a mom's risk of getting insufficient sleep increases by as much as 46%? 46%! This is why moms need to make sure they have a way of getting good sleep and rest when they need it- especially if dealing with any anxiety. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard complaints from friends and acquaintances that their partners do not help them. This can lead to resentment and affect the couple’s relationship in a negative way. When this problem appears big enough, I always suggest couple’s counseling because sometimes our partners hearing our perspective from an unbiased source can help it sink in a little more.
As a mom, there is absolutely nothing wrong with prioritizing yourself. It’s not like you’re asking to go shopping and to the spa for the day (unless it’s your birthday!). You’re just asking for a 30 min nap, or a workout class, or to go out for a walk to clear your mind. Anxiety sufferers know what works for them and it almost always requires time to themselves to incorporate coping skills- whether it be distraction, meditation, mindfulness, etc. You can’t do these things effectively with a baby on your hip.
For moms like me who suffered from a bad bout of Postpartum Anxiety, Depression and/or OCD, by the toddler years, we’re usually pretty recovered but the Postpartum experience was traumatic and we are still dealing with that. Usually the anxiety is still there, lurking in the background and waiting to come out and play with our minds, bringing us back to that awful time we are trying to completely move on from. Even more reason to #prioritizemommy and lean on your partner or close friends when you need to. If you’re one of those moms who feels you can’t lean on your partner, I do suggest you try couple’s therapy. To find a therapist who takes your insurance, try Octave. Our partners play such important roles in our recovery from perinatal illness and our ongoing wellbeing. They need to be on board. And do make sure you get them back by encouraging them to get their own “me time”. As a couple, reciprocating each other’s needs is a recipe for success. My husband always wants to go get a haircut. He’s addicted. Go figure.
So, I hope all my moms will work to #prioritizemommy going forward, as it is so critical to our wellbeing.